It’s on a Saturday afternoon and I sit by the window staring at the wide stretch of gray clouds stretching as far as my eyes can reach. The air is chill – hinting at the state of the weather for the past couple of days and for the highland parts of Kenya, this cold is really annoying, exaggerated even. As I sip my cup of tea, my thoughts wander and give in to the fantastical world being created in my mind, I am brought back to reality by a buzzing sound on the closed window ‘s base, a tiny beetle is giving its all to get out of the room with zero success.
My attention immediately shifts to the beetle keeping me company where I am sitting because why not – It’s on a Saturday and nothing much gets done anyway. I study its movement for some time with mixed feelings, something between empathy for the unsuccessful efforts to leave the room and annoyance for the constant buzzing that has interrupted my chill afternoon (pun intended). I proceed to do what any person would do, I hope, and slid the window to leave an opening wide enough for the beetle to leave the room. This of course comes with a huge risk given the possibility to fill the room with the whistling humid air lingering outside – but I am really determined to rescue this beetle.
The beetle hovers by the window for some time then turns and drifts back deep into the room. Of course this astonishes me. Why is it that the beetle knew the exact escape route but when an opportunity to actually escape avails itself it turned back to start the whole theatrics over again? At this point, I am determined if not obsessive of helping the beetle make it back to its family so I sit there and wait. Minutes pass and having run out of patience, I resolute to go back to what I was doing – nothing. A few minutes pass without the beetle crossing my mind and the thought is ignited again when I hear a buzz approaching the window again and this time I feel a flick of anger, I had just given you a way out and you freaked out and got yourself back to the same problem, I am not going through that again.
I sit there and wait for the buzzing to stop, maybe the beetle will find an alternate escape opening elsewhere, maybe it will decide to relocate and live with us, but nothing. The buzzing persists and gets even in my tiniest nerve. I get up, this time more determined than ever to get rid of this annoyance. I open the window wider this time, completely ignoring the cold outside, I’d rather freeze – peacefully. The beetle seems receptive of my resentment and utter impatience and it gives its all to find its way, to help it out, I try to guide it with my hands to the open window and after some minutes of cursing, mostly due to the cold, the beetle finally gets the hint, finds the window opening, and hurriedly buzzes its way into the cold to wherever it had left its family. Talk of a modern-day superhero, saving the day and reuniting families. I close the window and with the noise gone I get back to my own fantastical world and daydreaming.
As I stare blankly into the now foggy horizon, I cannot get the beetle’s struggle out of my mind, that experience makes me feel two things – heroic but mostly reflective. At some point in life, we are beetles in our own ‘rooms’, desperate to get out, knowing the path to follow to our redemption but ignoring the voice of reason at the back of our minds or from our surroundings, nudging us to quit making excuses and get out of the room before we drift deep inside and struggle to find our way out again. When I talk about a ‘room’, think of that one addiction you’ve been hiding from everyone, that toxic relationship you’ve been telling yourself you’ll get out of but keep giving excuses and creating ‘what ifs’ in your mind, that one risk you’ve been wanting to take in your job and that you feel will change the trajectory of your career – anything you know will positively transform your life but procrastination and self-doubt keeps creeping in.
In some cultures, a beetle flying near a window is viewed as a positive omen. It symbolizes that a transformation is underway and you are being guided to a shift in your life. However, just like the beetle, opportunities to get out of the room keep presenting themselves to us but we keep ignoring them (or totally missing them) – maybe it was that application for your dream job sent to you by a friend, or maybe you have been asked to register for a community outreach program that you know will expose you to a community of peers to help you fight your addictions and give your life a new purpose, but what happens instead? We hold on to the familiar, we go deeper into the room due to the fear of the unknown. The fear of stepping into the cold – The unknown territory. We feel safe wandering in the room lying to ourselves that we are ‘finding the best way out’, but just like the beetle, we know the way, we always have, either consciously or subconsciously.
Then is there hope of ever leaving the room? Yes. Look at my beetle for example (I form deep attachments which makes me a little possessive), all it took was a wider open window and a voice – which I’m glad the beetle couldn’t understand because of several R rated reasons. A voice cheering the beetle on and guiding it to not miss this window again. So, the next time someone tries to offer some advice on something bothering you, or that friend who constantly checks in because they have a ‘feeling’ something is off with you, don’t be quick to be dismissive. Instead, pause and ask yourself, are these the hands trying to guide me to the window? Does what I am being told resonate with the path to the window (as I have said we always know this path deep down). Just a little patience and attention may make you meet your man by the window making you take that transformative step – your own superhero.
“Are you done with that cup, I need to do the dishes”, a soft female voice brings me back to this universe, it is my sister. I had completely forgotten that I was holding a cup of tea, which by this time has already gone cold. I empty the cup in one big gulp and hand the cup to my sister. What an eventful day, I think to myself as I look outside to see if I’ll locate the beetle again but its nowhere to be seen. I get up and walk to the kitchen to get a snack, but my thoughts are still occupied by the beetle by the window.
